Monday, December 14, 2015

December! A bit of rant before New Year?

I haven't posted in a while (again), mostly because I didn't feel like I have any energy and time to rant about anything blog worthy. Living alone in Japan has been great, but it made me realize that the me before that wanted to live/work in Japan is very different from the me today (who also wanted to live/work in Japan, don't get me wrong).

I would always think that nothing is going to change. I'm not the kind of person that actively seek change, but it's amazing that despite that, things change not just externally, but also internally. Interests change. Motivations change. Reasons change. So on and so forth.

The most striking example would be fighting games. I wanted to quit fighting games so many times in my life that I have lost count. I started fighting games in 2004-ish I believe and have witnessed the death and incredible rebirth of not just the scene, but also the entire genre as an active member of the scene. I still remember having dreams of going to Japan just to play fighting games with the best. It was one of my many motivations to get better. When I finally got 12 years here however, I no longer has as that much interest anymore. The fact that I had not gone to Takadanobaba's Mikado arcade to play at its peak hours speaks for itself. Even when SFV is releasing, I find it difficult to justify investing time into it, let alone actually purchasing it. There still exists the possibility, but it's bleak as hell.

Well I'm not going to rant on about my fighting game career, but at this point, moreso than before, I'm willing to take a backseat and try to do other stuff.

I don't really know what "other stuff" really is. The problem now is that I have dumbed my goals down to:
- work in a Japanese company
- get a good paying job
- become a programmer
- work in the games industry

All of which I have already achieved.

So now what?

Honestly, I felt that I have already peaked in my programming abilities to the point where I'm more interested in managing and nuturing a team of programmers than improving on my own personal skills. Programming at this level feels very knowledge based. There isn't really any techniques outside of knowing if a method exist or not. It's not like drawing or playing an instrument where you have to train your body to improve. You just find or develop a tool based on other efficient tools to make life better for everyone. Don't get me wrong, it's a wonderful thing, but I felt that I should learn something else. Programming just isn't enough.

So I tried my hand at other things like digital drawing, relearning my piano, trying to relearn music theory to do arrangements, etc. Hopefully once I return from Japan in 2 years, I have a better set of skills.

Hopefully, anyway. It feels like it's time to prepare myself for the next set of goals I want to achieve.

But who knows.

Things might change again.


Aaaaaanyway, I officially discovered BL.

It was as eye-opening and somehow inspiring as the time I played an amazing H-game for it's mechanics instead of the H (/cough Sengoku Rance /cough).

I'm still trying to figure out why I like BL. Apparently, I only like a specific kind but then again, I can say the same for every other genre/topic.
It can just be a simple reason as "I just like moe, homoe or not".
I don't know.

Nevermind, I'll let the drunk ME figure it out > <

I'll just enjoy whatever I'm doing ^^